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Dischenectody I
A Nick
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Cover Letter
What is It?

Half-Life of Soda Merchandising

Posted May 13, 1996

troc sets up a soda fountain on the desk.
troc charges $0.80 a cup.
troc waits for supplies to run low.

catbear imports taiwanese  "Win Joy Soda" to steal troc's 
cost-conscious customers.

troc starts rumors of non-ISO ingredients in cheap knock-off soda.

jkcohen wonders what ISO-9000 soda would taste like.

Ferret releases the upgrade to Win Joy 95 to steal catbear's fad-conscious 

troc tweaks down the syrup mix as throngs of customers return.

catbear imports german "Bock Soda" to steal troc's upper class customers.

troc ofers discounts and specials to invigorate sales.

catbear retools the "Bock Soda" can to make it sexier.

Ferret forms a DeBeer cartel and convinces customers that the beverage is 
desirable _because_ it is expensive.

troc unhooks a syrup carton and relabels the left nozzle as Soda Clear for 
the health-conscious. Changes half again as much for it, too.

catbear switches cheap "Folgers Soda" for his more expensive "Bock".  No 
one notices.

troc replaces the carbon dioxide cylinder with helium, "Soda Lite!" and 
it makes your voice go funny. Kids love it!

catbear comes out with "New Soda" and sells it opposite "Classic Soda", 
driving troc right off the shelves.

jkcohen combats classic soda with Pure Life Soda and a Zen 
advertising campaign.

troc innovates again with fizzless soda.  bundles it with Pop Rocks.

jkcohen takes bicarbonate of soda, which requires much less shelf space than 
ordinary soda and improves the digestion to boot.

catbear shows horror commercials from customers mainlining pop-rocks and calls 
washington to create a Pop-Rock czar.

troc sabotages the main Catbear Bottling Plant.

catbear reveals that troc and catbear's soda companies are actually 
independant units of a much larger planet-wide conspiracy.

troc denies everything, of course.

catbear wakes up one morning, dead, throwing the eyes of the media on 
troc. Will he be next?

troc fails to wake up alive two weeks later on the morning of a blue-ribbon 
Senate investigatory panel.

---  A troc, catbear, ferret and jkcohen joint.

Captured from a NH mud session.